Trot Hard
by M1ghtyPen
Summary: The last thing Colt McGrain wants is to be a hero –but he doesn't have a choice! As Talon Gruber and his gang of thugs try to hunt him down they'll find that he may be an easy colt to like, but he's a hard pony to kill. It's Die Hard, but with ponies!
1. Chapter 1: Hostile Takeover

_My favorite movie of all time is Die Hard. Can I do it with ponies? Let's find out. Let's find out in the most violent, terrorist-shooting, wise-cracking, bad-guy-getting-thrown-through-a-window way we possibly can! _

_So meet Colt McGrain; he was born a farmer. His cutie mark is wheat. He was, without a doubt, meant to be a farmer. For reasons that he'll explain later, he instead became a city guard –not a royal guard, mind you; those are the best of the best, Equestria's version of the Navy SEALs. Instead he's just a pony trying to make a living. He tries his best and stumbles his way through his job and his marriage, frequently screwing up but doing the best that he can. And now, suddenly, this griffon has started making demands and his men are waving guns around. And, wouldn't you know it, poor Colt is stuck in the building with them. That's some pretty bad luck. What's that? He's also got no horseshoes? Wow, this just isn't his day!_

_Moving on to the story itself, I'll try to make this as faithful to Die Hard as I can but remember that we're dealing with ponies. There will be changes to the story, but I'll keep them as small as possible. Forgive me for occasionally giving someone a dumb name (What kind of a name is "Ellis" for a pony?)._

_Please tell me you got the joke about Karl and Harpo. I'll give you a hint: there is a third Diamond Dog named "Groucho". Also, references to the pony side of this crossover are still there, if you look ("You're kidding. You're kidding, right?" and "It was…nice")._

_**Language warning: Colt McGrain talks a lot like John McClane. You know what to expect. That's why this is rated M instead of T! Just, you know, to play it safe.  
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* * *

><p>Colt McGrain was an earth pony, and earth ponies were not meant to fly. He had dwelt on this fact during the ten hour flight from New Canterlot to Coltifornia. The actual flight wasn't so bad, but taking off had been a nightmare. Now, as the X10 Chariot passenger wagon began to approach the runway, he had decided that landing would be far worse.<p>

The pegasus in the seat next to him noticed his apprehension and seemed determined to help him relax. "First time in a passenger wagon?" he asked. Colt nodded, forcing himself to smile. His tan coat and brown mane were both completely disheveled after hours of shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "Yeah, don't worry about it. I've been flying in the bigger wagons for five years now. It used to get to me too." He looked around and leaned in conspiratorially. "Want to know a secret?" he asked. Then, without waiting for an answer, "After you land, find somewhere to relax and unclasp your shoes for a while. Just walk around in your bare hooves. Always works."

Colt muttered his thanks, fighting the urge to buck the pegasus in the jaw as the plane touched down. He clenched his eyes shut and cursed whatever Celestia-damned turn of fortune had doomed him to not only this flight, but the return flight home as well.

As he pulled his luggage out of the overhead compartment the pegasus noticed a handgun in a holster beneath his jacket. Colt ginned at the pony's obvious discomfort. "Relax, I'm a city guard. Trust me; been doing it for _eleven_ years now."

Colt made his way off the plane and through the airport, noting how the typical hustle and bustle was multiplied tenfold on Christmas Eve. He was nearly knocked off his hooves when a filly ran toward someone standing behind him, squealing with joy. "Jeez," he muttered with a bemused smile, "This place is a zoo."

He looked around and saw a well-dressed pony holding a sign bearing his name. Colt hadn't been aware that anypony was waiting to pick him up, but he approached and said hello. "Argyle," the pony said cheerfully. "Argyle Sweater. Nice to meet you; I'll be your driver today."

The drive to the Nagitomi building was not what Colt expected. Somepony had sent a limo to pick him up, but he felt more comfortable riding in the passenger seat up front. Argyle was surprisingly indifferent about the whole affair, though he had to apologize for the fast food wrappers on the dashboard. "So uh, where you from?" he asked as they pulled away from the airport.

"Fillydelphia."

"Wow. You're a ways from home, aren't you?"

"Uh, yeah." Colt watched the skyscrapers as they passed by. "My wife works here. I'm visiting the family for Christmas." He realized what he'd said and had to amend it: "Not that we're divorced or anything! It's just, her career is here and mine is in Filly."

Argyle smirked. "So you mean you refused to move, thinking it wouldn't work out for her. Only it _did_ work out."

Colt sighed. "You talk a lot."

Argyle winced at that. "Hey, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be nosy or anything. I'm used to driving a cab; people expect a little chitchat."

"Don't worry about it." Colt saw a skyscraper that put the others around it to shame. "That the Nagitomi building?"

"Sure is! You've been invited to the Christmas party. Listen, I feel sort of bad for being nosy. You have somewhere to stay?"

"I'm not sure."

"How's this: you get up there and talk with your lady. Then you call me on the limo's car phone and let me know how it went. If you strike out, I'll take you to a hotel."

Colt smiled despite himself. "Way to keep from being nosy. Still, that's a good idea. You're on."

* * *

><p>Holly looked up as her friend Berry Punch entered the room. "Hey Holly, guess who's here!" she giggled. "A certain somepony arrived by limo just to see you!" She looked back at the party ponies down the hall, then at her enlarged belly. "Uh, do you think the foal can handle a drink?"<p>

"That foal's ready to tend a bar," Holly joked. "Go on and have fun." Berry left and Holly nearly followed her, but the phone rang. "Hello?" she asked, levitating the receiver with her magic.

"Momma?" a small voice said on the other end of the line. "Is that you?"

"Lucy! I'm glad you called. Listen, Mommy's running a little late tonight but I'll still be home in time to tuck you in, okay? Be good for-"

"Is Daddy coming home?"

The forest green unicorn let out a sigh. "Well…we'll see what Santa and Mommy can do, okay? Be good for the babysitter!"

"Love you Mommy!" Lucy hung up and allowed Holly to breathe a sigh of relief; Colt's arrival was supposed to be a surprise.

Another pony knocked on her door, this one much less welcome than Berry Punch. "Hey, Holly! Holly, hey, Holly Holly Holly! How are you?"

"I'm fine Ellis," Holly sniggered, "But how are you? You look like you've had a little too much of Berry's special punch."

"Nah, I'm okay." Ellis gave her a smile that was all too familiar. "Hey, are you busy later?"

* * *

><p>The Christmas party, like the limo ride, wasn't at all what Colt was expecting. There were tons of ponies (as well as several griffons and more than a few zebras) milling about, talking excitedly or drinking inadvisable amounts of spiked punch. He made his way through the chaos until he ran into a face that he recognized, though he had never met Mr. Takagi in person; the dragon was known across Equestria as a savvy, intelligent businessdragon. "Ah, Mr. McGrain!" Takagi exclaimed, showing more teeth than Colt was comfortable with. "Nice to see that you made it! Did you enjoy the ride?"<p>

"Oh, that was you!" Colt forced himself to smile. "Yeah, it was…nice."

"Only the best for our friends!" Mr. Takagi said. Your wife has been a great help to this company. Come, I believe she should still be in her office."

Colt looked around at the impressive atrium. "Nice place you've got here."

"It will be if we can get it finished!" Mr. Takagi laughed. "Celestia knows we've been working on it for long enough. There are still some unfinished floors higher up, but I'm told they should be completed in another few months."

They moved through the party without much trouble, Mr. Takagi's bulk causing most ponies to move aside the moment they saw him coming. Colt followed the dragon up a spiral staircase as he continued to talk about the company's growth and the great strides that it was making. Most of it was, in Colt's opinion, not worth following. He had always known that he had a poor head for finances.

"Here we are!" Mr. Takagi declared. "This is Holly's office. I'll just leave you two to get reacquainted. I have to go address the troops, if you follow my meaning."

Colt waved goodbye, then froze as he saw the name on Holly's door; _Holly_ _Tea_. Colt sighed and walked into the office, then stopped when he saw that the grey unicorn at the desk wasn't his wife. After fumbling with a container and putting it away he got up so quickly that the chair tipped over. "I-uh, I…sorry, I was just making a phone call."

Holly trotted into the office, stopping Colt from asking what had been in the container. "Ellis?" she asked. "What are you doing in here?"

"N-Nothing, Holly. Hey, is this Colt? We've heard a lot about you, buddy! I'm Ellis, Ellis Quarterly. I'm sure Holly's told you about me."

"Sorry," Colt said, doing his best to make it clear that he was anything but. "Still, nice to meet you."

Ellis shook his hoof a little too enthusiastically. "Hey, pleasure's all mine! Holly's been one of the bright lights around here, you know? She's quite the businesspony."

"Yeah." Colt gave Holly a faint smile. "So I'm told."

* * *

><p>Talon Gruber waited patiently in the lobby for the elevator. His men had eliminated the guards downstairs and were busily securing the building at that very moment. "I want no bloodshed at this stage," he ordered, preening a bit and examining a manicured talon. "Shoot only to frighten or in self defense. They must believe that we have no intention of harming them."<p>

"Okay," Karl grunted. Talon fought the urge to shrink away from the Diamond Dog's foul breath. "How do we find Takagi?"

"Takagi's workforce is mostly ponies. There may be a griffon or two present, but I doubt there will be another dragon. Mark my words; finding him will be the easy part. The biggest hurdle should be getting him to talk, and doing so quietly. Theo should be able to deliver on that end."

Arcane Theology ("Theo" to absolutely everypony, friend or otherwise) stood a little taller and smiled. He was a unicorn, and one of the most powerful that had ever lived. His horn could implement magic that, given time, could likely reduce this very building to a fine powder. Besides which, Theo thought it parted his deep purple mane rather attractively.

Talon turned to Theo and smiled. "If Mr. Takagi resists, you know what to do. As do the rest of you, for that matter. Karl, I want you with Harpo for now." Karl grunted his assent and stood beside his brother. "Remember gentlemen, this is Christmas Eve. I doubt we'll have much more to worry about than a few drunken partygoers, so I want no twitchy trigger fingers."

* * *

><p>"You'll have to forgive Ellis. He gets very depressed this time of year."<p>

Colt snorted and splashed his face with water at Holly's sink. "Sure he does. I bet the locoweed helps with that." He noticed how surprised Holly looked and quirked an eyebrow. "You're kidding. You're kidding, right? Don't tell me you didn't know."

"Of course not!" Holly insisted. "Colt, that's…are you sure?"

"I'm sure enough, just like I'm sure enough that he's got his eye on you."

Holly rolled her eyes. "Oh no! My coworker has his eye on my flank! Oh, woe is me, so helpless and vulnerable! Come on Colt, give me a little credit; if I can live through a marriage with you then I should have no trouble fending off Ellis."

Colt dried his face and grinned. "Hell, a marriage with me and you could fend off Celestia herself."

"Where are you staying?" Holly asked.

"Oh, I don't know. I'll find a hotel."

"On Christmas Eve?" Holly asked. "Colt, you'd end up sleeping on a park bench." She tapped a hoof against her desk thoughtfully. "We could make it a little easier if you like; we have a guest room. The kids would like to have you at the house." She offered a hesitant smile. "I'd like you there too. I've missed you."

"But not my name, huh?" Colt leaned against the doorframe and crossed his hooves. "You've been 'Ms. Tea' out here."

Holly sighed deeply and said "We had this conversation already."

"We never _finished_ this conversation!" Colt argued. "We're separated, Holly, not divorced. I thought we'd made that pretty damn clear."

"Colt, dragons don't think of marriage as a legal arrangement. A married female becomes property!"

"But you're not a dragon!" Colt pointed out. "You're a pony, and you're married. So what if your boss wouldn't understand? Who gives a flying f-"

"That's just like you!" Holly interrupted. "This is my career we're talking about, and it's important to me! I know you and I haven't always seen eye to eye, but you could at least consider more than your own-"

"I think plenty of things other than my job, thank you very fucking much!"

Holly and Colt both fell silent as the office door opened and Berry Punch stumbled in. "Oh, I'm sorry," she mumbled, seeing Colt's glare. She looked at Holly, probably because looking at Colt was frightening her. "Mr. Takagi wants you to say a few words."

"Be back in a minute," Holly grumbled, and left Colt leaning against the door to her private bathroom. He watched the door close behind his wife and stood there for a while.

"Great." Colt backed up to look at himself in the mirror. "That's real great, Colt. Good job. Real fuckin' mature of you."

* * *

><p>Talon Gruber strolled out of the elevator at a calm, measured pace. He didn't seem the slightest bit bothered at the number of guns that were being pointed in the air. When they began firing he didn't even flinch, unlike the numerous partiers that screamed and fell back in alarm. "Ladies and gentlecolts!" he announced, his voice rising only loud enough to be heard over the ensuing panic. Eventually his men had rounded up the few stray ponies cowering in the offices down the hall. "Ladies and…ah, that's better."<p>

His relaxed posture starkly contrasting with the aggressiveness of his men, Talon began his speech. "Due to the Nagitomi corporation's tendency to promote dragon worship, we have seen fit to commandeer this building and its owner for our purposes. I can only assume that the enormous green dragon is Mr. Takagi." Mr. Takagi nodded, his face grim. "Ah, good. That should make things easy. I warn you, Mr. Takagi, that if you try to assault myself or my men there will be…casualties. That being said, my name is Talon Gruber and it is a pleasure to meet you."

* * *

><p>Colt slid one hoof gently across the thick carpet of Holly's office and laughed. "Son of a bitch," he muttered, "Always works." He glanced at the phone, thought about calling the foals for a while, and lifted the receiver. There was no dial tone, so he hung up and tried again.<p>

Still nothing. Colt wondered if there was a phone in another office he might be able to use.

Gunfire echoing down the hallway startled him and he yanked his gun from its holster. He slid it into his combat harness, which was strapped on over his t-shirt. The weapon was now resting against his shoulder and could be fired at any moment. The rig was controlled by a pressure-sensitive bit that he could bite down on.

Colt eased the door open and peeked outside. What he saw was not encouraging. In this hallway alone he could see at least two ponies and a Diamond Dog, all armed with submachine guns. The compact weapons could fire a huge number of magical bolts very quickly. The ponies all had combat harnesses like his, but the Diamond Dog carried his weapon in one clawed paw. They were searching each room, methodically rounding up party guests and getting alarmingly close to Holly's office in the process.

The Diamond Dog hauled a struggling Berry Punch out of one of the offices and tried to push her in the right direction. "Wait, please!" she yelled, "Oh Goddess, don't hurt my foal!"

"I said move!" the dog ordered. "Go! Now!" He saw the two ponies watching with amused smiles and snarled angrily. Colt used the distraction to slip down the hallway and bolt up the stairs, hoping the echoing of his hooves wasn't as loud as he imagined it being.

Colt didn't notice that he'd forgotten his horseshoes until he'd climbed several flights of stairs. 'Wonderful', he thought, 'Anything else the Goddess would like to throw my way?' He opened a door (quietly!) and noticed two griffons pushing a cart laden with explosives.

'Well, fuck me for asking.'

* * *

><p>After a sneaking around for a while Colt had a firmer grip on the situation, and the situation was that he was completely out of his league. He had avoided being seen mostly out of pure luck, and since his luck had been almost supernaturally bad lately he didn't want to rely on it any more than he had to.<p>

Now, as he snuck quietly into Mr. Takagi's office, Colt again wondered what in Equestria he was doing. He would probably be better off trying to head for an exit, except that he expected all the exits to be locked down by now. Colt had never dealt with criminals like this before, but they were well organized and he had no doubt that they'd put a lot of thought into this operation. Getting help wouldn't be as easy as opening the front door.

He'd stumbled into this particular office for two reasons. Firstly, he wanted to see if he could make a phone call; Mr. Takagi might have a private phone line that hadn't been cut. Colt knew next to nothing about how buildings were wired, but it _sounded_ plausible and it was the only idea he had. He couldn't very well gun down a dozen or so terrorists by himself, could he?

The second reason was that he was lost. Colt had no idea where he was and finding the dragon's office had mostly been a happy accident. He'd decided that he might as well make the best of it.

The side door to the office creaked open just as Colt was trying the phone in the reception area. In his panic he almost dropped the receiver, but fortunately he caught it and hid behind the receptionist's desk with a minimum of noise.

Footsteps proceeded into the office and voices began to speak. Colt wished he could see what was happening, but at the moment he had a view of nothing more than the thick and very luxurious carpet.

One voice was Takagi, a grating rumble that resembled boulders smashing together. The other was smooth, cultured, and remarkably calm considering its conversation partner. Colt couldn't make out most of what they were saying, but he could tell that Takagi was not hiding his contempt at being ordered around.

Without warning the room exploded into flames. Colt put his hooves over his head and hoped that the desk would hold out against the firestorm. He found himself shivering, his desire to bolt at war with his need to remain silent, and waited for the chaos to die down. When it was all over he counted himself fortunate to have only a singed mane.

"Very impressive," he heard someone say. "But ultimately useless."

The conversation went on for another minute as Colt slowly worked up the nerve to peek over the desk. He didn't have time to notice much more than Mr. Takagi's huge form surging forward before the entire room seemed to explode for the second time.


	2. Chapter 2: Mayday, Mayday!

_Notice: The last chapter had a scene tacked on to the end of it to make it long enough for Equestria Daily, so go and check it out! Or don't if you don't want to. The Man can't make you do anything, man!_

_So, a reference to the Grinch in a story that takes place at Christmas time. That's probably the least insane thing you will read in this entire chapter. There's a pony named Spritz! Get it? Not Fritz…Spritz. Like soda. Heh. And did you know that locoweed isn't just something I made up? It's an actual plant that actual horses actually eat. Hey, how about that? You even got some book learnin' in today with your ponies!_

_The hardest thing about doing this is knowing how closely to follow Die Hard. I could literally make this a scene-by-scene recreation with identical dialogue, but that wouldn't be much fun. If you wanted Die Hard, you would just go watch Die Hard. And yet, there are a lot of really famous scenes that I feel like I should include. The vent scene was seriously the scariest thing I'd ever seen when I first saw the movie. I was like eight years old, but still, it stuck with me._

_I'll do my best to make the story both true to the movie and still interesting for those of us who have seen it. And if you haven't seen it…you're missing out. Seriously, go see it. Rent it or something. Don't just sit here reading this, go! Now!_

_Also, it's hard to know when to use "everypony" and not "everyone". Griffons and Diamond Dogs aren't ponies, but they talk about ponies a lot. So excuse me if it gets mixed up every now and then._

* * *

><p>Talon and his men ushered Mr. Takagi into an expensively furnished office, his thugs keeping a close eye on the dragon. Mr. Takagi, for his part, maintained an air of calm despite the situation. "Nice gloves," Talon commented. "Hoity Toity also makes wonderful flight vests –I have several. Rumor has it he worked on the costumes worn by the Wonderbolts. Of course, it could just as easily have been the Shadowbolts –I forget which."<p>

Talon glanced at an intricate spell circle carved into the floor. "Now _this_ is impressive," he said in a pleased voice. "I've never seen a summoning circle inlaid with silver thread before. It must make keeping the disruptive elements at bay remarkably easy."

"That isn't a summoning circle," Takagi said. "It links to the circle in our main office in Canterlot. We use it for transportation and communication."

"Of course," Talon agreed, sounding bored once again. "I'll be frank with you, Mr. Takagi; I am not here to discuss your advanced magical transportation network or your tasteful gloves, interesting as either subject might be. I'm here because my dear friend Theo has need of your assistance. You see, we can't get into the portal at the heart of this building without you."

Talon sat down in a cushy armchair and motioned for Theo to get ready. The unicorn opened his saddlebags and floated out a gemstone and a quill. "We just need the proper password and the arcane essences to open the seals. Once you hand them over, we'll be on our way and no one will be hurt."

"Or I could burn you to death right here," Takagi replied. "Then use the circle to summon help. I'm sure some of the unicorns in Canterlot could obliterate your men with a spell that would leave the hostages untouched."

Gruber spread his hands invitingly. "I invite you to try."

Mr. Takagi reared back, took a deep breath, and doused the room with emerald-green fire. The torrent of flame swirled around Gruber and his men without touching them, rebounding off invisible walls of magical protection. Afterwards, when the flames had died down, Talon brushed imaginary dust from his flight vest. "Very impressive," he mocked, "but ultimately useless. Theo is well prepared and could kill you in an instant if I let him, but I'm more interested in your property than your life. The password and essences, if you please."

Mr. Takagi's calm demeanor remained unchanged despite his greatest weapon causing no more harm than an annoying insect. "I'm afraid that I have neither," he admitted. "You've come here for nothing. The Element of Magic would be useless to you anyway; it only activates for somepony qualified to be its bearer, and it judges a pony by more than his magical skill."

Theo chuckled and asked "What? Don't I look like the honorable type?"

"I am getting bored," Talon remarked. "I am well aware of how the Elements of Harmony work and I assure you that they are of no interest to me. They are, however, of interest to certain occult groups the likes of which I shudder to mention. Unfortunately, dealing with them is a necessity."

Takagi's calm was finally shaken. "I don't understand! You told us this was about the Nagitomi corporation and dragon worship!"

"You're running out of time." Talon glanced at the clock on the wall and smiled. "Three seconds, Mr. Takagi."

Mr. Takagi sat back on his haunches and glared. "Whatever it is you want, you will not find it here. You have wasted your time."

Talon shook his head sadly and motioned to Theo, who closed his eyes in concentration. Mr. Takagi lunged for the unicorn and came within inches of rending him limb from limb, but the spell activated too soon. A wave of kinetic energy erupted from Theo's horn and drilled into the dragon's head, powdering bone and throwing a pink mist into the air. The noise was deafening.

As the mist settled Karl wiped a stray bead of blood from his brow. "Now what?" he growled. "Dragon is dead. We have no way through-"

Ears twitching, the Diamond Dog froze midsentence and looked past Talon into the office's reception area. Theo and the two griffons Talon had brought with him immediately ratcheted bolts into their submachine guns, eyes roaming the room for trouble. Karl loped into the next room, griffons at his back, and scanned the area. "Nothing," he sighed, looking almost as disappointed as Talon had before ordering Mr. Takagi's death. "Ears are toying with me."

"Take no chances," Talon ordered. "Karl can search the floor below while Harpo checks upstairs. Groucho, take the griffons and prepare our surprise. I have hostages to address."

* * *

><p>"Celestia, Colt, you are in <em>such deep shit!<em>" Colt paced back and forth among piles of building material that littered the unfinished thirty-first floor. "Why the fuck didn't you _do_ something?" Another trip around the same pile of floor tiles, then "Because you'd have to be out of your mind, asshole! _Think_, damn it!"

Colt heard near-silent footfalls coming up the stairs and immediately broke into a gallop. Just as he got out of sight behind a worktable a Diamond Dog burst through the door and scanned the room, submachine gun held at the ready. "Hello?" he called. "Is someone there?"

Colt checked to make sure that a bolt was chambered in his gun. He wasn't sure that he wanted to shoot anyone –not yet at least. The noise might draw too much attention. The Diamond Dog slowly worked his way across the room toward Colt's hiding place. "Come on out, little one. Come to Harpo. You won't be hurt." He worked the action of his submachine gun. "Much."

The Diamond Dog suddenly rushed forward and dove past Colt's hiding place, spinning and aiming his weapon –in the wrong direction. He'd mistakenly assumed that Colt had been behind a pile of floor mats. Before the dog could correct his mistake Colt leapt on him, shoved him to the ground, and stomped on his arm. The Diamond Dog screamed and his submachine gun clattered across the floor, the noise not quite drowning out the sound of bone crunching.

For a fraction of a second Colt hoped the fight was over. Unfortunately, Harpo proved to be much tougher than expected. Rather than worry about his ruined arm he reached out with the good one and nailed Colt with a powerful punch. "Up here!" The Diamond Dog shrieked, "There's a pony up here! Hurry!"

Colt spun around and bucked Harpo hard in the gut. He charged after his opponent, rushing headlong into a flying tackle that sent both of them tumbling down the stairs and into the offices below. Colt shoved the canine away and was on his feet in seconds, but Harpo was not so lucky. The fall –or possibly the earth pony that had landed on him –had broken his neck.

Colt sat down in the stairwell and listened for anyone (pony or otherwise) that might have been approaching. When he was satisfied that no one had heard the commotion he grabbed the body and lifted it onto his back, then made his wobbly way back upstairs. He didn't want anypony finding the body and knowing what had happened; the element of surprise was probably his only advantage at this point.

Colt couldn't find anywhere to stash the body on this floor, so he carried it up to the next. This one was not one of the several still under construction and was even decorated for the holidays. The first thing he noticed was a Christmas display in one of the rooms. "Huh," Colt muttered, "That gives me an idea. That gives me an _awful_ idea." He smiled and looked at the body draped across his back. "That gives me a wonderful, awful idea."

* * *

><p>Talon Gruber was rather annoyed with Mr. Takagi's defiance, but luckily he had planned for it; that was the entire purpose of having Theo along. Now, as he addressed the frightened hostages gathered around the remnants of the refreshment table, he munched on celery sticks and thought the situation over. "I didn't want this job to be an imposition on anypony," he began. "I thought I had a good plan. I wanted to get in and get out, not muck up everypony –sorry, every<em>one<em>'s plans."

Talon crunched another bit of celery and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Sadly, Mr. Takagi was far too obstinate for his own good. We left him in his office –what was left of him, anyway." The horrified gasps that filled the room provoked a smile in some of Talon's guards, but he acted as though he hadn't heard. "This is the situation: you are to stay here and remain quiet while we continue with our plans. Do not make the mistake of trying to call for help; even if my men didn't shoot you before you could reach a phone, the phone lines have been cut. We are in charge, and no one is coming to help you. The only way you will survive this ordeal is to do exactly as you are told."

"Talon!" a nearby pony with a soda bottle mark whispered. "The other griffons need you."

Talon rolled his eyes and discarded his snack. "I beg you; tell me something I did not already know." He followed the pony ("Spritz",if he remembered correctly) away from the guests and to toward the elevators. Several of his ponies and a griffon were gathered around and he pushed through them to get a better look at…oh. Oh dear. Talon grabbed one of the ponies and hissed "Do _not_ let the hostages see this!"

Harpo was dead, tied to an office chair with electrical wiring. Somepony had placed a Santa hat on his head and pinned a note to it. "'Now I have a machine gun'," Talon read. "'Ho ho ho. Signed, the Grinch.'"

"What now, Talon?" Spritz asked.

Talon sighed and handed him the note. "Now we get to tell Karl and Groucho that their littermate has been killed. Get the body out of here; I don't want the hostages to see it."

Neither Talon nor his men noticed the faint creak of the elevator's roof as a pony-sized load shifted around. Had there been a living Diamond Dogs present Colt would have been found and Talon's problems would have been solved with a barrage of gunfire. Luckily the only person nearby capable of hearing such a small noise had a broken neck.

* * *

><p>Groucho was horribly distraught when he found out that his littermate was dead. Karl was equally distraught, but much stronger and harder to control. Talon had to lock him in an office until he felt certain the Diamond Dog wouldn't try to disembowel the first person he saw. "I want him dead," Karl growled when Talon finally entered the room. "I want my claws in him –no one else's, mine! I want <em>blood<em>!"

"You'll have it," Talon assured him. "But please, be patient. When the city guards arrive they will spend hours fumbling about and trying to negotiate, and then you can have all the time you like to look for whoever killed your brother. Tear the building to pieces for all I care. Just remember that, until then, our plans _must not_ be interrupted. If we cannot prepare in time then we have gone through a terrible amount of trouble for nothing."

"And he will stand aside," Karl sneered. "You think he just lets us do what we want?"

Talon scratched his beak thoughtfully. He was about to answer when Karl's radio clicked on. "Mayday, mayday, mayday! This is Nagitomi Plaza broadcasting on all emergency channels. Terrorists have taken over the Nagitomi building and are holding twenty people hostage. Can anypony hear me?"

With a roll of his eyes Talon motioned to the door. "I believe you were saying something about wanting to hunt him down?"

* * *

><p>Holly was sitting next to Berry Punch, busily worrying about the mother-to-be and wishing that she knew what had happened to Colt. She was focusing on keeping Berry comfortable, despite the other pony's insistence that she was perfectly fine.<p>

Holly didn't want to think about what could have happened to her husband. After all, a city guard was still a city guard no matter what city he was in. What if he'd put up a fight? What if he was dead? There had been no end to the arguments they'd been through over the last few years, but the thought of actually losing Colt forever was too much for her to handle.

Ellis was not helping matters. He'd made it his duty to stick by Holly, and it was slowly but surely driving her insane. Working with him was one thing –Holly could tolerate his antics well enough during business hours –but he was ten times as annoying in a hostage situation.

Shouting was coming from a nearby office, but Holly couldn't make out what was being said. The door opened and a Diamond Dog stalked out. He was the biggest of the three, and his bad attitude made him even more intimidating. Berry noticed him as well and leaned in close to whisper to Holly. "What's happening?" She asked. "Well, not that I expect one of us to know."

"Something's wrong," Holly whispered back. "There, see? He's taking the other dog and two griffons with him."

"What's got them so worried?" Ellis asked. Holly winced at the smell of his breath; Colt had been right about the locoweed. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed before.

"When was the last time you saw that third Diamond Dog?" Holly asked. "He's been gone for too long. That might explain why those two are so worked up; something happened to their friend." She considered the situation; the third Diamond Dog was likely dead, but the only guns in the building belonged to the terrorists.

No, that wasn't quite true. Holly remembered Colt's pistol and his steadfast refusal to go anywhere without it. She'd made fun of him on more than one occasion, thinking that he'd been paranoid. She'd been right, but in this case being paranoid might have saved him. "It's Colt," she breathed, so quietly that only Berry and Ellis could hear her. "He's still alive!"

With a disgusted whinny Ellis sat down next to her. "Celestia, that's all we need!" he moaned. "That foal is gonna get us all killed! If he'd just be reasonable-"

Berry Punch rolled her eyes and packed so much sarcasm into four words that it was nearly a tangible object. "Go find Takagi and try convincing _him_ to be reasonable." Holly felt the urge to pat her on the back.

* * *

><p>Colt drew in a breath to repeat his message again, but then he finally got a response. Unfortunately, it wasn't the response he'd wanted. "Sir, you are broadcasting on emergency channels," a mare's stern voice droned. "Unless this is an emergency-"<p>

"What the fuck did I just get done saying!" Colt shouted. "Get your asses into gear and do your goddess-damned jobs! Terrorists. Hostages. Nagitomi Building. Get over here, damn it!"

He was so incensed that he almost didn't notice the roof access door opening. Colt leapt behind an air conditioning duct and crouched low to the floor, submachine gun at the ready in his harness's backup slot. He was far more familiar with his pistol, but desperate times called for serious firepower.

The radio squawked and he jammed the talk button to keep it quiet. Colt watched quietly as one terrorist after another stalked onto the roof. There were two griffons and a Diamond Dog, each just as heavily armed as the other henchmen he'd seen tonight.

Colt inched away from the group, hoping that he could find another door leading inside. He wanted to survive until help arrived –assuming it did at all –and he wasn't eager to engage two griffons _and_ a Diamond Dog at the same time.

A blood-curdling howl made his pulse quicken. Colt swore and broke into a dead sprint, galloping across a helipad as his pursuers filled the distance between them with gunfire. He raced across a catwalk and paused at the other end to shoot back. He didn't wait around to see if he'd done any damage.

Another exit was in sight! Colt poured on the speed and nearly barreled over the roof's edge by accident. He thanked his lucky stars that the safety rail had supported him and kept running, only to discover that the door was locked when he reached it.

That was when a second Diamond Dog, this one even bigger than the first, appeared on a balcony overhead. He was holding an assault rifle, one that looked even nastier than the submachine gun Colt had confiscated.

Colt leapt behind a small structure labeled '_Danger: High Voltage_'. A barrage of magical bolts hammered the roof where he'd been standing moments before. Colt saw his three pursuers getting too close and chomped on his harness's bit, sending a spray of bullets at them. Another round of rifle fire punched into the electrical shed and sent sparks cascading in all directions.

Looking over at the locked door gave Colt an idea. He reloaded, aimed for where he hoped the door's lock would be, and emptied the clip of his submachine gun. Then, braving the rifledog above him once again, he bolted out from behind cover and threw himself against the door. It flew open and Colt saw that he'd found another pair of elevator shafts.

The elevators themselves were gone, and he wasn't about to try and climb down the cables. Instead he kept going until he came to what was, at first glance, a dead end. There was a small crawlspace that let him underneath the wall and into…oh.

"You've got to be kidding!" Colt whispered, casting a frantic glance behind him. Nobody had come in after him yet, but that might not last for very long. He was trapped between four guns and a shaft meant to channel magical energies to and from the portal in Mr. Takagi's office. In front of him was a fan that helped cool the metal sides of the duct, and after that was nothing at all.

The shaft went all the way down to the ground floor, drawing magical energies up from the ground when it was in use. Right now with the spell circle inactive it was nothing more than a very, _very_ long fall. "Fuckin' heights," Colt swore. "I hate heights."


	3. Chapter 3: The Shaft

_Sorry this is taking me so long. I've been very, very busy. Also, since I'm trying to get the other story I did (the one with Fluttershy and Big Macintosh) ready for Equestria Daily, what little time I do spend writing hasn't been spent on this story in particular._

_But uh, here's the next one. Colt's mockery of the Diamond Dogs seems a little cold-hearted to me, but I don't think Karl and Groucho are worthy of sympathy. Remember, one of them was the dog that frightened a pregnant lady half to death. Err, pregnant pony. Whatever._

_Does it make me a bad person if I'm literally counting the pages until Ellis gets killed? He isn't in this chapter, and that's a good thing. Every Die Hard movie seems to have a character included just to make the audience think "I can't wait until this guy gets killed". And yet, Ellis is one of the very few that died. Somehow Zeus lived through the entire third movie and Lorenzo lived through the second. I'd say there is no justice in the world, but since McClain just finished killing his latest batch of terrorists I guess that isn't strictly true._

"_Ideeeaaaa!"_

* * *

><p>Colt saw that there were ducts set into the walls at regular intervals to ensure a good supply of cool air. He didn't think he could make it without falling to his death, and there would be plenty of time on the way down for him to think about his mistake.<p>

Gunfire sounded behind him and forced him into action. Colt unhooked the submachine gun from his harness and jammed it into the fan blades, shouting as it was nearly torn from his grip. Once the fan had slowed down he applied more pressure, then crawled between the blades. It was a tight fit and he almost didn't make it. Then, when he finally slid through, he had to figure out how to reach a ventilation duct without tumbling into the abyss.

Colt yelped as more gunfire blasted the fan behind him. He yanked the submachine gun out of its harness with a pang of regret and grabbed the shoulder strap in his teeth. He extended the collapsible stock all the way out, braced it against the duct's walls, and pulled to see if it would hold his weight. He slowly lowered himself out of the duct, muscles trembling in panic. He hoped with all of his might that the gun didn't slip out of the duct, that the strap didn't break or come loose, and that he could lower himself to the nearest duct without falling. He'd never wanted to be a pegasus more than he did now.

Shouting came from overhead and Colt nearly swore before he remembered that opening his mouth would be suicide. His progress seemed agonizingly slow and he was beginning to think that he felt the strap slipping in his grip. The duct below him grew closer inch by desperate, terrifying inch. His entire life had boiled down to a matter of less than a foot, and he wasn't quite able to reach his destination. Colt wrapped the strap around his foreleg and let go with his mouth, reaching down with a trembling hoof. He was almost there and could just barely graze the edge, but it wasn't quite enough.

Colt looked across the shaft and saw another duct that he was almost positive he could reach. He braced his back legs against the wall and reached out, sweaty foreleg slowly sliding down the strap. Something gave in the vent above him and he fell, the chasm below opening wide and threatening to swallow him whole. Colt felt a scream welling up in his throat.

His forelegs snagged a duct and stopped his fall just as it was gaining speed. Colt's downward momentum now changed direction and threw him against the wall. He thought for one horrible moment that he was going to lose his grip and fall again, but a bit of scrambling stopped his slide out into nothingness. Colt hauled himself into the air duct, grunting with the effort.

Above him two Diamond Dogs snarled angrily as they tried to cram themselves through the crawlspace. The smaller one succeeded, only to be stopped by the fan and subsequent drop. "Go back!" he snarled, "We can't go this way!"

"Keep running, pony!" the other Diamond Dog shouted after Colt. "It will not matter. We will find you! You killed our littermate!"

"Your _what_?" Colt yelled back.

"Littermate!" the smaller Diamond Dog answered. "The other, Harpo, was our littermate!"

Colt giggled so quietly that even the Diamond Dogs wouldn't hear him. "He must have had a great personality!"

There was silence from above as the two dogs thought that over, then the big one yelled "What does that mean?"

"Don't get me wrong," Colt said as he began inching his way forward, "You guys can sleep with whoever you want. But damn, that dog was _ugly_!"

"Littermate!" The smaller dog shouted. "He was our _litter_mate!" The only answer was Colt's laughter as he crawled further away

After creeping along in total darkness for a while Colt reached back into his saddlebags and pulled out a lighter. He just wanted a little light, if only for a moment. The darkness was suffocating. "Come to Coltifornia, see the wife and foals, have Christmas with the family! Yeah, that was a great plan. Real gem." He shut the lighter, put it away, and pressed onward. The vent was very, very warm without the air conditioning turned on. "Now I know what a bowl of instant oatmeal feels like."

* * *

><p>Eventually there was a light at the end of the tunnel in the most literal sense possible. Colt stopped at a vent in the duct and peeked out into a conference room. Just as he was about to buck the grating loose and climb out the door burst open and the two Diamond Dogs charged into the room. The bigger one (Colt still didn't know which was Karl and which was Groucho) barked something to his brother, who cast his eyes up at the vent.<p>

Colt was terrified that they would hear him breathing. He'd dealt with Diamond Dogs before, both as friends and enemies, and knew what to expect from their keen senses. There was a good chance they would smell him even before they heard him.

He carefully unhooked his pistol from the combat harness and held it in his mouth. The harness was a more comfortable way to use a weapon and it freed up his mouth to speak, but it was also slightly less accurate. Colt had never liked using the mouth grips; shooting this way gave him a headache and no grip ever fit quite right.

Right now, though, accuracy was of paramount importance. He worked his jaw forward to cock the hammer, wincing at the slight click it made. Fortunately a shout from the hallway distracted both dogs and they didn't hear.

The smaller dog turned to his brother and said something in a language Colt didn't recognize, but the bigger one ignored him. He aimed his assault rifle at the vent and began methodically filling it with bolt holes. Shafts of light shot into the vent through the new openings, creeping slowly closer to Colt's hiding place. The noise was deafening, but he was certain that they would notice if he tried to back up. His only chance was to squeeze off a shot and hope for the best.

Colt shut his eyes tightly and pressed his tongue to the firing pad. He had no hope of killing both of them, especially not from this angle. He couldn't even see the other Diamond Dog, let alone line up a good shot.

The gunfire stopped and the silence afterward was, in a way, even louder. "Come on!" an angry voice yelled. It was probably one of the griffons. "Talon wants silence! The guards are here!"

The smaller dog nudged his brother and walked away, and eventually the bigger dog growled sullenly and followed. Colt waited until they were long gone before he dared to move again.

* * *

><p>Talon Gruber opened the door to the building's vault and was immediately assaulted by a barrage of flashing light and intense noise. He stood his ground and waited patiently for the maelstrom of magical energies to subside, noting as it did that some of his feathers looked slightly singed. "Theo!" he called, "Take a break. We have to set the ruins and somepony with your abilities would be an asset."<p>

"I'm busy." Theo was sitting in a relaxed position, legs folded beneath him, as his horn glowed brightly. The vault door was awash with pulsating fields of light. "No distractions or this could blow up in our faces. You nearly leveled half the city barging in here like that."

Talon began to sweat. "Surely you exaggerate."

"Magical locks," Theo said slowly, never taking his eyes from the vault. "Lots of energy goes into them. I've got the strength to break them, but not… easily. It's a balancing act. Still no idea how you plan to get through the portal lockdown, but that's _your_ problem." For a brief moment he glared at Talon. "Now leave me alone or you'll kill us all." Even as he spoke the lightshow around the vault's door became more dramatic. Theo turned his attention back to the sigils keeping the door locked and took a deep, relaxing breath.

Talon rolled his eyes and left Theo to his work. He hadn't realized that breaking into the vault would be such an involved process, but fortunately his men could do their jobs without Theo. He would just have to be certain that they were careful.

* * *

><p>Colt looked around at Mr. Takagi's office and sighed. "Of course," he grumbled. He hadn't recognized the office from inside the vent –or even after he'd jumped out, for that matter. It looked more or less like the equally expensive lower floors of the building. It wasn't until he saw the receptionist's desk that he knew where he was.<p>

That meant that the dragon's body was in the next room. Colt debating going somewhere else, but he knew that this part of the building was empty. He had no idea where the terrorists might be, so safety would have to take priority over his own squeamishness.

He wanted to see if help was on the way and Takagi's office was facing in the right direction to look out on the parking lot. Colt gave the body a wide berth, regretting that he hadn't been able to do anything about Mr. Takagi's death. The dragon had been killed in cold blood, and that made Colt very angry even though they hadn't known each other well enough to be friends.

There was a patrol car pulling into the parking lot! Colt laughed gleefully and pranced around the office despite the blood around his hooves. "Come to papa!" he exclaimed. "Celestia, man, am I ever glad to see another black-and-white!" He looked back out and saw the car slowly making a circuit of the parking lot before rolling to a stop. "What's he doing? Call for help you idiot!"

The guard got out and trotted up to the doors. He didn't look the slightest bit alarmed. "Son of a bitch!" Colt swore, and turned away from the window. He bucked it hard and cracks snaked across the glass. "Come on, damn it, break!"

There must have been someone in the lobby distracting the guard. Colt kicked the window again, but the safety glass held together too well.

It was fortunate that Colt was facing away from the window because the Diamond Dog sneaking up on him was being very quiet. Seeing that he didn't have the drop on the pony as he'd expected, the dog held up his hands in surrender and yelled "Don't shoot!"

"Drop the gun!" Colt ordered. "Now!"

A green unicorn ran up behind the Diamond Dog, who dropped to the ground. Colt chomped down on the bit and his pistol roared at his side. The unicorn's scream turned into a wet gurgle as the bolt struck him in the throat. The Diamond Dog, who had rolled into a firing position, was already squeezing the trigger on his submachine gun.

Colt bolted across the room as magic sizzled in the air. He ran under a long table and tipped it over, hiding behind it as bolts blew holes in the wood. The Diamond Dog snarled threateningly as a line of holes began crawling from one end of the table to the other. He was systematically blasting a line in the wood and keeping Colt pinned down at the same time.

The gunfire stopped for a moment. "You should have killed me, little pony!" the Diamond Dog laughed. "You are out of pasture to run in! Next time kill first and talk later!"

Colt's pistol blasted through the table just as easily as the Diamond Dog's submachine gun and he heard an agonized howl as the dog fell. "Damn good advice," Colt said. Remembering the guard outside he rushed to the window and peered through one of the undamaged panes of glass. "You've got to be kidding!" He yelled angrily as the stallion walked calmly back to his car.

Colt looked back at the Diamond Dog lying on the floor. He wasn't the biggest of the three, but he still weighed at least double what Colt did. "Hmm." Colt looked back at the nearly broken window. "Oh! Ideeeaaaaa!"


	4. Chapter 4: Mr Hero

"_Yeah, that's some really weird interference. Almost sounds like someone screaming." I love snarky, hateful remarks like that. Action heroes spout stuff like that all the time and it never stops making me smile. There's nothing better than seeing the bad guy get salt rubbed into a wound. Maybe it appeals to some sort of primitive sadism in people, but we just like seeing the villain insulted. I just realized that I put an awful lot of thought into action movies. If only I could harness all that thought for something more useful._

_Hah, I bet you were expecting just Die Hard with ponies! Sure I have my favorite scenes ("Welcome to the party, pal!") but I told you there would be a twist. Looks like there's more to Talon Gruber than meets the eye. Speaking of the Transformers (because I have no idea how to bring this up gracefully), did anyone see Starscream vs. Rainbow Dash? It was amazing. Look up DEATHBATTLE! On if you haven't._

_If you think about it, Holly's special talent might not have anything to do with tea. She's got a tea bag cutie mark. Maybe she's just really got at video-games?_

* * *

><p>Guardsman Macintosh Apple hummed quietly to himself as he climbed back into his car. He'd been driving around all night on patrol and was eager to get back home. He waved to the watchman sitting inside at the front desk before bucking his car into reverse and slowly backing away from the building.<p>

Something pattered against his windshield. "The hell?" Macintosh wondered aloud. Tiny drops of red were spattering against the glass as though it had started raining blood.

A dead body, larger than most ponies but still not as large as "Big" Macintosh, slammed into the car's hood and rocked the vehicle forward. Macintosh shouted and swore as he stomped on the accelerator, tires squealing in protest but rocketing him backward all the same.

A deadly barrage of gunfire rained down on him from higher up in the building. The patrol car swerved left and right, tossing the body onto the pavement and nearly crashing into a streetlight. Macintosh was lucky enough to miss it and drop off an embankment instead. He quickly leapt out of the car and took cover at the base of the embankment's wall with his radio.

"This is car twelve! I'm at the Nagitomi Building and I need backup!" Big Macintosh wiped blood from his forehead and wondered when he'd hit his head. "There are automatic weapons on the higher floors and they've made Swiss cheese out of my car! Send help!"

High above the parking lot Colt leaned out of the window, a grim smile twisting his face into something resembling a Halloween decoration. "Welcome to the party, pal!"

* * *

><p>"Everyone please calm down!" Talon said, providing a very good example of what calm should sound like. His men were all trying to talk over each other and no one was paying him the slightest bit of attention. "I said be quiet!" Talon insisted. He was ignored again and the noise was getting so loud that the hostages might hear.<p>

Talon stood and pounded his fists on the desk, splintering the wood and causing the room to vibrate with the force of the impact. "I asked you all to be quiet," he murmured, his voice as quiet and relaxed as ever. "Please stop talking."

Had they been asked, none of his henchmen would have been able to say what it was about his tone what was so frightening. They would, however, be able to point out his glowing eyes and the dark mist that he exhaled. The griffon's body dimmed as though a shadow had fallen over him and his feathers took on an oily sheen. Talon's hands were shaking as he sat down again, casually brushing dust from his flight vest. "Now, as I was saying, this is nothing more than a matter of inconvenient timing. I trust that no one would care to argue." He saw his men shaking their heads and smiled. "Good."

The radio sputtered to life and Talon grabbed it immediately. "I ordered radio silence!" he hissed.

"Well that's such a shame," a strange voice answered. "Who's a guy gotta kill to get a little intelligent conversation around here?"

Talon saw that his hands were still shaking and focused angrily on them for a moment. The shaking stopped almost immediately and he cleared his throat to speak. "All things aside, a good conversation might prove soothing at this point. May I ask who this is?"

"Oh, you know, just some like-minded intellectual with a chubby for small talk." Talon could pick out an obnoxious Phillydelphia accent through the radio's static. He already hated this pony. "So go on buddy, say something smart. Be clever. I'm listening."

* * *

><p>Colt rifled through the pockets of the dead unicorn's jacket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Huh," he muttered, examining the foreign label. He didn't recognize the language or even the characters of the writing. "You know, these could kill you."<p>

The radio pinned to his shirt emitted the relaxed voice that Colt had come to associate with the leader of the group. "I can certainly sympathize with your desire for conversation," Talon said. "I must admit, I'm surprised that a lowly security guard has such an insatiable thirst for intellectualism. Might I ask why you're really calling?"

"Okay, I heard a lot of big words in that," Colt said. "I managed to pick out 'security guard', which is total bullshit. Don't worry because you'll have plenty of time to make more bad guesses at who I am. I've got a bad feeling that you and I are gonna be seeing a lot of each other." He began sorting through the unicorn's bag; spare magazines for the submachine gun, a brick of Buk4 explosive clay (complete with detonation cards), and a book.

"Hey, which one of the two dogs did I just kill?" Colt lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply; it had a strange taste, but he decided that he liked it. "Can't tell if the big one was Karl, or if Karl is the one that just went base jumping." He heard an anguished howl over the radio and grinned. "Everything okay on your end, Talon? I'm picking up some really weird interference."

Talon was probably trying to control the remaining Diamond Dog, so Colt took the opportunity to examine the book closer. "Whoa," he whispered, making sure that he didn't have the Talk button pressed. He didn't want Talon to hear how worried he was. "Looks like we just took a detour into Creepytown by mistake."

The book was bound with some kind of leather, its pages were yellowed and ragged with age, and the arcane symbols on the cover seemed to squirm and writhe right before his eyes. Colt had never studied magic and was glad that he couldn't read whatever was written in the faded ink. He did, however, recognize the book as a whole for what it was. As a city guard he'd confiscated numerous items just like it.

"I must confess that I'm at a loss," Talon admitted. Colt forced himself to put the book away and pay attention. "You've turned into something of a hindrance to us; I wasn't expecting a nameless, gun-toting vigilante to go roaming the building. What do we call you, Mr. Grinch? Let me guess; just another colt that never learned the difference between reality and fiction. You're nothing more than a product of Equestria's crude and uncivilized media. You've grown up watching too many action movies and now you think you're Beltalong, Ash Wednesday, possibly Smokin' Ace?"

"Always liked Braeburn myself," Colt answered. "Those leather hats were so awesome!" He quickly trotted through the office, bag slung around his neck, and made for the stairs.

Talon didn't try to hide his derisive laugh. "So then you're a cowpony. Do you really think you have a chance on your own, Mr. Hero?"

Colt heard the elevator door chime just as he was slipping into the stairwell. He kept his voice low in case one of the newcomers was a Diamond Dog. "Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!"

* * *

><p>Big Macintosh was waiting next to his totaled patrol car when backup arrived, and it arrived in spades. He was both relieved to see his fellow guardsmen and annoyed at the sheer number or sirens going off in such close proximity to one another. He was <em>trying<em> to talk on the radio.

"Is anyone in there?" Big Macintosh asked again. He waved to his fellow guards and watched them set up a parameter around the building. He would have helped, but a paramedic was insisting that his head injury had to be examined. Macintosh was starting to feel a little disoriented, so he didn't try to argue. "Listen, this is Sergeant Macintosh Apple of the Coltifornia City Guard. If the person who called us can hear me, holler back!"

A quiet, nervous voice filtered through the radio's speakers. "Hey, that would be me. I'd love to talk, but right now I'm a little busy trying to stay out of sight. We aren't the only ones with radios, so be careful what you say."

"Alright," Big Mac said, this time keeping his voice lower. "So you're the one giving out free skydiving lessons. I'll let you do whatever you need to do, but I gotta tell my superiors about you. You got a name?"

"Yeah. Call me…Ace, I guess."

"Like an ace in the hole," Big Macintosh laughed. "I get it. Okay then, Ace, you do what you need to. Stay safe and out of sight. Call when you can talk, okay?"

"Roger that, Mac."

* * *

><p>"Hey, look!" Berry Punch said in a strained voice. Talon's thugs were jogging quickly back into the office that he'd been using. "Someone's still causing trouble."<p>

Ellis and Holly were sitting next to Berry while the mother-to-be shifted uncomfortably on the cold tile floor. Ellis, as usual, was completely oblivious to anything that did not involve Ellis. He didn't seem to notice that his friend was in extreme discomfort, even when she tried to stand and her back seized up.

Holly noticed. She was doing anything to keep from worrying about Colt, which included fussing over her friend. "I'm going to talk to someone about this," she said. Berry Punch immediately protested, but Holly shushed her gently. "Just relax. I'm not going to cause any trouble, so they'll have no reason to hurt me. Stay here with Ellis, alright?"

Berry Punch glanced at Ellis, then shot Holly a look that said she would rather deal with the terrorists herself. Holly didn't blame her; Ellis had been constantly edging closer to both of them, as though expecting one of them to need a shoulder to cry on at any moment. He probably thought he was being subtle about it, which was almost as sad as the attempts themselves.

* * *

><p>Spritz and a griffon burst into the office Talon had commandeered for his own use. Both of them seemed completely out of sorts. "The bastard wasn't kidding about Groucho. He also killed Lime Sherbet."<p>

Talon's claws dug into the sides of the desk. "Please tell me that Sherbet's bag is not missing." When Spritz shook his head Talon clenched his fists so tightly that his claws pricked his palms and drew blood. "That is…most unfortunate." He grabbed the radio and keyed in a special channel. "Theo, how close are you to finishing?"

After a moment Theo's voice, tense and irritated, answered "Four down. Don't call me again."

"Fine. Just stop when you finish with the current seal; we will need you." Talon set the radio down and looked over at Karl, who was sitting quietly in a corner. The Diamond Dog was clenching and unclenching his paws anxiously, as though trying to imagine what it would feel like to wring a pony's neck. He didn't seem to notice the others gathered around him.

While Talon was trying to think of a way to snap Karl out of his daze a unicorn walked in escorted by two of his griffons. She was green with a tea bag cutiemark. "I'd like to talk with you about the conditions in the foyer," she began.

"I'm not feeling especially talkative," Talon said. "Get out of here."

The mare ignored him. It was impressive considering that she had no less than three submachine guns pointed at her. "There's a pregnant mare out there. Her back is killing her and that cold stone floor isn't helping. I'd like permission to move her to one of the offices so that she can lay on a couch."

Talon considered for a moment. "I don't want anypony going anywhere without an escort. I could have the couch brought out to you instead."

The unicorn nodded in agreement. "Also, you should start taking us to the bathroom in groups."

"You'll be taken, but not in groups. Everypony will go one at a time and not without an escort. Is that good enough?"

"I suppose it will have to be." The unicorn glanced behind him at a picture on the shelf. Two foals, one a green earth pony and the other a tan unicorn, laughed as their mother pushed them on a swing set. Talon stared hard at the picture for a moment, trying to figure out why it seemed so important to him.

"Mr. Takagi chose his employees well, Mrs…Tea, was it?"

The unicorn glanced back at him coldly. "It's _Miss_ Tea," she corrected. "And thank you, Mr. Gruber, but with all due respect I hope you rot in hell."

Talon watched her leave with the griffons and allowed himself a dark little smile. "Too late, Ms. Tea. Far too late."


End file.
